The Silence in a Sky Full of Stars

A Love for Music

My wife called me out for how often I fill the silence with music. Not just your lazy Saturday mornings with warm cups of coffee. The little moments dancing around the kitchen trying out new recipes. Or the brief 5 minute drives to the grocery store.

No. She was hinting that I might have a problem. I’m constantly listening to music. Sometimes out loud, sometimes the tracks are running on repeat in my head.

Ever since I could remember, I’ve loved music. When I trace back the dots in my life, I can see the thread:

My older sister grew up singing, turning her passion into a full-time career as a successful professional singer in India. I myself have dabbled on and off in turning music into something more…whether as my first punk rock cover band in middle school (Almost Negative), or picking up guitar lessons at the start of my 30s. I even quit my job at Microsoft a year out of college to work at Vevo. I was driven to do something around supporting musicians with technology.

There are many ways in which my personal identity has been intertwined with music. Like so many others, I feel an inexplicable magic when I listen to or play music.

There’s one dimension of music that I’ve always loved: how it adds the texture to view your life through the lens of story. I have favorite songs that became defining soundtracks for different chapters of my life. Whether the teenage angst I felt listening to Green Day as a middle schooler, the wonder for the world I felt listening to The Beatles in high school, the carefree fun I felt listening to Wiz Khalifa in college…there was always a favorite band, artist, or song for each chapter.

I’ve always loved music for this reason: it helps me narrate my life. It turns moments into scenes and years into chapters. For me, it makes life feel like a movie, and in the hard parts, I remember that this story’s arc bends towards hope. I find optimism in the chapters ahead, in knowing that the hero’s arc is ultimately one of redemption.

A New Love

Last Wednesday, I listened to a song I’ve heard dozens of times. Except this time was different. Last Wednesday night, my daughter came bursting into the world to A Sky Full of Stars by Coldplay.

Cause you’re a sky, ‘cause you’re a sky full of stars
I’m gonna give you my heart
‘Cause you’re a sky, ‘cause you’re a sky full of stars
‘Cause you light up the path

It was a moment I’ll never forget. My wife and I agreed, it was the perfect title song for the beginning of her movie.

The days at home since then have felt long and slow in the best possible way. And I’m already noticing something changing — with the songs in my head, and the ones playing out loud.

Sometimes music adds texture to life when you need it most. For the first time in a long time, I don’t need it.

In this chapter of my life, I find myself not wanting to think about the chapters ahead. I know these days are precious. I’m not longing for time to speed up, or for the next chapter to begin.

I don’t need a soundtrack to remind me where I am in the movie.

I just want to be here.

I am okay with the silence. More than that, I love it.

It’s silent right now. My baby girl is asleep in her bassinet. My wife is peacefully napping on the couch next to me. There is something new in this kind of silence. It comes with a stillness that I already cherish. This silence quiets my longing for any particular kind of future.

For right now, I am here and I am grateful for the silence.

Sometimes you can have a whole lifetime in a day and never even notice that this is as beautiful as life gets. I just feel happy that I noticed. I had a beautiful life today. I even died and lived to tell about it. What a day. What a day!